Understanding the hidden toll of parenting a struggling teen and proven ways to recover your energy, hope, and clarity.

What Is Parent Burnout And How Does It Happen?

Even the best parents in the world have a breaking point. You’ve probably heard the analogy of the cup and water. The cup represents your ability to handle what life has in store for you. Water is daily stress, family issues, sitting in traffic, work deadlines, etc. The pitcher of life continually pours into your cup, and if you aren't able to siphon out the water fast enough, eventually it overflows.

Stress overflow = Breaking Point

 Some people can handle more, some less. Some relish challenges, others shy away from them. But we are all human – we have limits. No one is fully immune to overwhelm. 

If life gets to this point, it’s next to impossible to show up properly for our loved ones, including being there for our children. This is also why it’s critical to have an action plan for burn out–especially if you are the parent of a struggling teen.

Teen Struggles Can Amplify Parent Burnout

Few things are more stressful to a parent than having their teen go through deep pain and challenge, especially when the parent feels like they can’t effectively help. As a mentor of struggling teens, I can say from experience that parents who feel more in-control and believe they can help are far less overwhelmed than parents who feel at a loss and have begun losing hope. In such cases, my first priority is rekindling hope and helping design a structured plan of action to empower the parents.

“I Just Checked Out” – The Cost of Lost Hope

I’ve had parents tell me, with weary honesty, “Yeah, I just gave up on them emotionally this week.”

I always appreciate forthrightness — it takes courage to admit. But it’s still jarring every time I hear it. Those words reveal the quiet crisis many families face when burnout takes hold:

the moment a parent’s emotional reserves finally run dry.

When that happens, it’s not because they’ve stopped loving their teen — it’s because they’ve been running on fumes for too long. And this is exactly why parent recovery isn’t optional. Without intentional rest and renewal, even the most devoted parent can find themselves emotionally unavailable right when their teen needs them most.

That’s why we need systems and plans in place to help parents refill their cup and reconnect to hope. Recharging your batteries isn’t a luxury reserved for parents with “more time” – it’s a necessity.

The Destructive Loop: Shame And Duty 👉 Sacrifice 👉 Resentment

So how do well-meaning parents get to a place where they can no longer support their teens emotionally? This regression in empathetic ability is a result of the slow poison of resentment. I call it the Shame–Sacrifice–Resentment Loop. 

In an ideal world stress is managed, recovery is optimised, and parents can continue to show up for their teens, no matter the challenges. Unfortunately for us, life can be tumultuous. Even the best parents can feel immense overwhelm. When this is the case, it’s not like parents can say “Alright, see you later!” and leave their teens at home while they take a much needed break and vacation.

As wonderful as that might sound, parental obligations keep you in the fight around the clock. This is how the loop begins: Overwhelm strikes, empathic and emotional bandwidth declines, but duty calls and it’s no longer natural to show up – it’s forced. 

This is the self sacrifice of parents. It’s what they sign up for when deciding to have children, but there’s no official guidebook. Navigating adolescence with your teen can sometimes feel like sailing in blind. Throw on additional teen challenges, and overwhelm can multiply.

When your life force is drained long enough without restoration, it’s tough to stop feelings of resentment from creeping in. Once you harbor resentment for your teen, it reinforces shame and duty. Eventually, enough time passes and you’re no longer parenting from a place of abundance and love, but one of duty, frustration, and pain. But it doesn’t have to stay this way. 

Breaking The Loop: Disarm Shame, Balance Commitments, and Foster Empathy

The first step in breaking this loop and restoring connection and love in your home is to squash the shame. Regain your sense of dignity, power, and offer some self love:

》“I know I haven’t been able to show up for my son/daughter lately in the way they need. Instead of feeling ashamed and reinforcing this cycle, I’m going to find a balance so I can get the time I need to recharge. I deserve this, and they need me to show up at my best.”

And validate your emotions without repressing them:

》“As hard as it’s been to feel this way, I know that underneath all the pain and frustration I still love them deeply. I’ve been under so much pressure lately and just trying to keep my head above water. I can see how it got to this point–but it’s time for change.”

Whenever you feel guilt or shame, just calmly renounce its grip on you.

》“This is a sign my empathy is working, but I won’t let it beat me up inside.” 

Your internal compass is designed to guide you, not crush you. 

Next, let's touch on a very common trend in parenting which leads to resentment: 

Overextension: “If your teen isn’t excelling in life, it’s your fault.” 

Some parents really lean into the idea of sacrifice – but not naturally. Modern parenting culture has many thinking that they must be do-it-all superparents. They drive their teen to four different sports, cook multiple meals each day, pay for activities, private tutors, etc. and do their best to guide and support their teen–all by themselves.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child.” This is based on an african proverb, and it couldn’t be more true. I don’t believe that parents should be expected to do it all. Raising a well adjusted and healthy teen requires many supportive adult figures outside of the parents themselves. This could include teachers, coaches, mentors, family friends, etc. 

Teens are also heavily influenced by their friends and peers. I wrote an article about the science of peer pressure in relation to addiction, which you can check out here. Just know that despite your best efforts, the influence of peers can overwhelm even the best parenting. Therefore, it’s vital to support healthy peer connections for your teen.

This is all to say that the pressure you might be feeling to “have it all figured out” might be misguided. If you feel overextended in your parenting, here is a simple guide you can follow to analyze where you’re at and make impactful changes:

Restoring Hope: The 6-Step Parent Burnout Guide 

When you’re in the thick of parenting a struggling teen, it can feel like you’re doing everything — and still falling short. This exercise helps you step back, see the full picture, and start reclaiming your energy.

Step 1: Make the List

Write down everything you’re doing for your teen. From driving them to sports or appointments, to reminding them to do their schoolwork – include it all. Aim for an exhaustive list.

Step 2: Rate the Stress

Next to each item, give it a stress score from 1–10:

❏ 1–3: Hardly any stress, feels natural.

❏ 4–6: Manageable, but requires effort.

❏ 7–10: Draining, anxiety-inducing, or leaves you resentful or exhausted.

Step 3: Label with Intuition

Go through your list again and label each item as:

▹ G for Genuine Parenting — actions that come from love, responsibility, or healthy boundaries.

▹ O for Overextension — things you’re doing out of guilt, fear, habit, or a sense of obligation that doesn’t actually help either of you.

Step 4: Decide What to End or Offload

Focus on the items that are O and rated 6 or higher in stress. These are your greatest opportunities for change.
For each, ask yourself:

 ➜ Can this be ended — something my teen needs to take ownership of now?

 ➜ Can this be offloaded — something another adult, relative, mentor, or professional could help with?

 ➜ Can this be shared — a responsibility that doesn’t have to rest entirely on me?

Step 5: Connect the Village

List 2–3 people or supporters who could realistically share the load. This might include family, friends, school staff, coaches, counselors, mentors, or other parents. Remember: Asking for help isn’t weakness — it’s how sustainable families work.

Step 6: Reclaim Yourself

With your newfound time and energy, let’s remember who you are. When you’re parenting a struggling teen, it’s easy for your whole identity to shrink down to one role — the helper, fixer, or caretaker. But that’s not your entire purpose.

Giving back to yourself isn’t selfish; it’s how you rebuild balance. It also shows your teen what healthy independence and personal growth look like.

Ask yourself:

• What parts of me have I put on hold?
  
  
• What used to make me feel alive or connected?
  
  
• What’s one small thing I can start doing just for me?
  
  

Even simple things make a big difference: A hobby, a walk, a quiet morning routine. The goal isn’t to reinvent yourself; it’s to reclaim yourself.

Key Takeaways and Next Steps

1. Parent Burnout is real and can compound when stress and challenges are heightened, especially if you’re parenting a struggling teen.
2. Recharging your batteries isn’t something to continually put off – it’s necessary for you and your family's wellbeing.
3. Parenting from a place of shame and duty creates resentment, which reinforces the cycle.
4. Healing starts by validating your emotions without shame, and accepting that you don’t have to do this alone. The right support is crutial. 
5. Restore hope and balance with my 6-step parent burnout guide.

Parent burnout is a sensitive topic to cover. I will tell you from my professional experience as a mentor of struggling teens and as a parent coach, you aren’t broken if you resent your teen, you just need to reconnect and find balance. 

I hope you found this article and guide helpful. If you’d like more insights, I have a free mini E-book which covers the 3 Foundations to rebuild trust and communication with your teen.

If you’d like to keep reading, I’ve recently created an all-encompassing guide on teen addiction, as well as an article on supporting your teen through relational trauma. I’m looking forward to sharing more insights with you in the future, and I’m proud of you for seeking out information to help. I’m always in your corner.