Your teen has been behaving a little “off” lately. It’s nothing sudden or intense, you’ve just noticed a slow descent into aimlessness. They used to be more interested in hobbies and activities, but lately they only want to relax in their room and go on their phone. The truth is there are no lazy teens - only unmotivated ones.

The Biggest Factor in Teen Motivation

In all my work with teens over the years, I've come to realize that the teens who were working towards a goal they were passionate about - the ones who strived and pushed themselves for their own reasons, were the most resilient and happy teens. They would always develop into more driven young adults.  At least in this regard teens are just like adults. We all need things in our life that excite us, and pull us out of the mundane distractions we're all trying to limit.

Teens have specific advantages and disadvantages when it comes to passion discovery. On one hand they haven’t lived long enough to really discover as much as adults, yet on the other they have higher energy levels and everything still has a sense of newness which can be exciting. 

Some teens are lucky enough to stumble into passion, even from a younger age. Specific sports, art mediums, hobbies, reading and writing, etc. For me it was getting my first gym membership at 13 and falling in love with lifting weights. It was an anchor for me through those years. More now than ever, teens need these anchors. Things that feel full of potential and opportunities to grow into themselves. 

How to Help Your Teen Find Their Anchor

I’m going to use myself as an example here, because I was not struggling to find anchors. My parents, to their credit, did a great job fostering the spark in me that would turn into passion, which kept me at least somewhat on-track throughout adolescence. As a kid I was allowed to explore interests. If I wanted to learn different art mediums they’d support it. 

I remember having a special permission slip so that I could join a welding class (Minimum age was 17, but they got me in at 13). And there I was with my mask on and sparks flying, having the time of my life. So what did they do that was so effective? They took a kid seriously, and invested in the sparks whenever they showed themselves.

You can do this too. Pay close attention to your teen. Find those sparks and support them. Maybe they go through tons of things and never seem to stick with one thing. Don’t get frustrated - this intense curiosity is a great sign and predictive of success later in life.

Do this consistently enough, and you'll have a teen who stays curious and passionate about life. Now this doesn’t mean they’ll become the next DaVinci, I sank hundreds of hours into video games and other distractions. But there was always passion there. Things that kept me anchored and motivated. Things to tether to when life got tumultuous or bleak.

How to Help Your Teen Build (From Where They’re At Right Now)

It’s important to note that times are different. When we were teens, we didn’t have the kind of large-scale distractions that they face today. I have adult friends that struggle with smartphone addiction. Imagine how much harder it is for developing brains that haven't learned self-regulation yet. Other than setting collaborative boundaries around screen time with your teen, helping them discover interests can be the best medicine for screen addiction and lack of motivation.

I recommend sitting down with your teen and letting them know in a low-pressure way: 

“Hey, I noticed you seem pretty disinterested and unmotivated lately. I want you to know I’m committed to supporting you and want you to feel excited about your life. Is there anything you’ve been thinking about trying out but were unsure about? A new sport, hobby, art, anything? I support you in whatever you’re interested in exploring.”

If they can't think of anything, that's okay. Plant the seed and come back to it. Sometimes just knowing you're open to supporting them is enough to start the process. Keep looking out for those sparks.

Further Reading and Resources

Helping your teen find motivation is just one piece of supporting them through these years. These posts address related challenges:

• [Is TikTok Making My Teen's Mental Health Worse?] - Screen addiction is one of the biggest motivation killers. Learn how to help your teen break free from the dopamine trap.

• [Why Your Smart Teen Has No Motivation]- If your teen used to be driven but has lost all interest, this explores the pressure and perfectionism that can kill motivation.
• [My Teen Won't Talk to Me Anymore: How to Rebuild Communication] - Before you can help them find their passion, you need to rebuild connection. This shows you how.

If you're looking for more guidance on building trust and creating the collaborative relationship where your teen feels supported (not pressured), I created a free mini e-book: The 3 Pillars to Rebuild Trust and Communication with Your Teen. It includes frameworks for the kind of communication that makes teens want to share their interests with you. You can download it here.

Thank you for showing up for your teen. Until next time.